He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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