We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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