Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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