My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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