I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
