Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
