dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
