How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
