I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
