It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
