How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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