i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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