Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize