Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
