they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
