btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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