She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
