No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
