If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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