I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
