So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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