Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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