You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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