Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
