Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She told me I should be a condom model.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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