So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
