Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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