Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
