Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We talked him into tasing himself.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
