She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
