My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
