I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
