i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
