his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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