if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
