Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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