I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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