i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
