i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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