So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
