Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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