im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
