Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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