so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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