the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
