roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
