1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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