bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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