I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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