she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
