Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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