i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
