I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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