If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
