fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
BRING THE BAGELS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
