I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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