If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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