Sry I called you an 8
Non-Jews are for practice
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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