Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We are all done wearing pants today
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
