Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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