I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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