Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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