I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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