I didn't shave. On purpose
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
