I cannot find my penis.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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