You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
