Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
