Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
