my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
