Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
