we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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