You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
