i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
