Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
