I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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