we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
