Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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