So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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