i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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