The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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