I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
